Image Grenade

 The sense of smell is supposedly most closely linked to memory however, scientists admit, it’s probably the least understood.
How else can you explain while a quik spritz of a fragrance, can stop me from making a trip to Philadelphia Cupcake Factory?

It’s called Scentology and it comes in three fragrances, Bliss, Endurance Enhancer and Crave Control. I grabbed the Crave Control because once you’ve stripped carbohydrates from your diet, strange things happen. Everything I never really fancied from  doughnuts to chocolate, seems to be calling me.  I’m a bread and noodles girl, not the chocolate bon bon type so I knew I had to put the kybosh on the cravings as soon as possible, so I gave Scentology a try.The scent is supposed to be vanilla. I say supposed to be because it’s not the nauseating type of vanilla that would normally have me reaching for a bottle of isopropyl alcohol to dilute it, or a bin to vomit in.  So, per the directions, I sprayed it on my décolleté and inhaled. A time-released scent cue is scientifically demonstrated to curb cravings for carbs (including chocolate, cake, and desserts) to help promote weight loss. Now while I’ve only been using it for a few days, I can’t claim to have lost any weight, but on three separate occasions when it would have been easy to grab a gooey cinnamon raisin bun or a gianormous scone, I was able to resist. While it may not be the answer to all of my prayers, if keeps me from having to buy a larger madras plaid skirt for summer, I’ll take it. Scentology Crave Control: $24.99 at www.scentology.com or at Target  www.target.com.

 As I returned from an hour hike on the Schuylkill River trails, sweaty, with my shirt’s outline, etched by the sun on my arms, I saw a girl whose appearance stopped me in my tracks. She was young and cute but overweight and in an attempt to camouflage her size, she was wearing a knee length skirt which grazed the tops of  long leather boots, a long sleeved while oxford shirt topped by a cardigan sweater. It was 80 degrees.  While I realize that many offices have climates that would rival the Birds Eye Frozen Food locker, there is no way she could have been comfortable unless she was crazy. She wasn’t crazy, she was covering. She would have willingly  superheated into a small pool of perspiration than endure the alternative, exposing more skin.

I know, I’ve been there. I’ve hidden my upper arms, my thighs and even eschewed capris, lest the world see my cankles.I don’t do that any more. Why? Well mostly because I do enough bench dips that my triceps are now afraid to even consider degenerating into Bingo Wings. I also walk enough that my legs, while still maintaining the girth of a tree trunk, are substantially harder. I still don’t like shorts, but that’s mostly because of the way they bunch up in my crotch, not because I won’t show a bit of leg.Here’s the deal, whether you’re fat or thin, you deserve to be comfortable in the heat and while I’m never going out in a pair of Daisy Dukes, a cropped top or mini (because I have some sense of decorum)  I’m also not going to don a burqa because I have a few body issues.I also believe you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge and you may think your hiding something in all that clothing, but once the temperature climbs to 90, you’ll not only pass out from heat stroke, but will look like a dozy cow when you could have worn something in cool cotton that covered your extremities without being, well, extreme.The bottom line is if you’re not happy with where you are physically, work to change it. Walk during lunch instead of visiting the local canteens with your friends. Just say no to cupcakes (ummmm, cup-cakes). It’s your choice,  fat and embarrassed, or comfortably and for the love of God, suitably attired for the warm weather. Remember, just because they make bikinis in a size 24 doesn’t mean the rest of us want to view it. There are plenty of other options that are  cooling, figure flattering and make you feel positive. We don’t all have to be  Elle” the body” McPherson to look good. Sometimes the best accessory with light weight summer clothing, is natural health achieved after a good work out.  

The eyes maybe the window to the soul, but when your tired they’re like neon lights signaling to the world just how beat you truly are. Whether you’ve a bit of a cold, suffering an allergic attack or had a little too much, and not enough the night before, here’s the fast way to look human the morning after.Cold spoons or frozen teabagsThe next time you have a cup of chamomile tea save the bags, flatten a bit and toss them in a plastic bag or container in the freezer. Upon waking, plop them over your eyes for five minutes with your head raised on a pillow. The tanic acid in the tea combined with the cold, will help reduce puffiness. Doing this while sitting up or propping your head up on a pillow will help the fluid drain from your face.Metal teaspoons kept in the freezer are also good for this. Simply cup your eyes with the cold spoon upon waking and you get much of the same effect.Use a primerOften when my eyes are really puffy, using any eyeshadow can be difficult, but by simply covering them with a primer like Urban Decay Eyeshadow Potion in “Sin”. The champagne shimmer will look like shadow but covers like primer keeping any tell tale redness or sallowness on lids under cover.BrowsDays like this demand no fuss brows. Ever try and draw one in when you’re eyes are so teary you can barely see your face? That’s why brow maintenance is must. Find someone to wax your brows and visit her every few weeks to keep them looking good, then you won’t have to do anything but hit them with a brow brush, clear brow fix or a dab of vasoline and  off you go.MascaraIn the family friendly land of Disney clean and natural is the law. But even the Magic Kingdom knows a princess needs a fringe of black lashes to frame your doe eyes. While I’ve tried them all, my current fave is the black waterproof mascara by Sephora. This is just your bog standard mascara. Its brush doesn’t look like a a spikey orb, and its wand doesn’t vibrate, but it gives really great coverage that stays put.So that’s it, eyes done in two minutes and you’re naturally ready to see and be seen.

Primer Potion available at www.urbandecay.com at $18.

Sephora Lash plumper waterproof mascara available exclusively in Sephora stores or online at www.sephora.com.

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Once a year, for two days 9th Street in South Philadelphia is closed to traffic, opened to dozens of food stalls, and awash with Philadelphians and tourists, loaded with home made wine.Yup, when the whole pig is parked in front of Espositos, and carved up for roast pork sammidges, the party’s on. If you haven’t been here before, there are loads of people, three stages of live music, food demonstrations, and more antipasta, sausage and peppers and lovely pastries than you can shake a stick. This weekend is supposed to be lovely and sunny so come on down and be sure to come hungry. Even the skinny girls eat at this event.

Sorento Cheese Italian Festival

Saturday and Sunday

May 15th & 16th

10am - 5 pm

Rain or shine

On 9th Street from Fitzwater to  Federal.

I keep a little pink book of things I need to remember. When I woke up this morning, with a sore throat, aching head and frozen to the bone, I felt bad. When I found out BA, in preparation  for a strike action has just cancelled my flights to London, I felt worse. Then I saw my book. When I leafed through it, I found a bit of wisdom I was smart enough to copy down.It said, “Sometimes instead of repeating to ourselves things we believe are true, sometimes we need to shift our perspective and ask, what else is true?”I thought about that for a mo, and realized while mine didn’t start off as the best Tuesday in history, it wasn’t as bad as my Mum’s who just buried one of her best friends yesterday. It also wasn’t as bad as Gordon Brown’s who would by the end of the day be resigning  as Prime Minister, and leaving Number 10 Downing Street and leaving politics altogether.In that instance, I thought more about them and less about me. In that instant I became more compassionate about their plight, and a bit of the weight of my own lifted. So while you may be having a horrid day, or week or even year, there’s always someone who’s having it a bit rougher, and maybe just the thought of that, can help you follow my favorite directive, “Keep Calm and Carry On.”

Having been taught for years by Ursuline nuns, I’m no stranger to guilt. 

But on my weekends away from the gym, I don’t need to feel guilt over a simple lunch date with friends. So how do I avoid it?

Three words: Eat at Fuel.

Fuel is a dynamic restaurant concept on a mission to bring health into the dining out (or take out/delivery) experience. 

This cafe, located on the increasingly cool Passyunk Avenue East, is vibrant from the moment you step through the door. Although the acid green and electric orange interior with electronic soundtrack might be a bit off putting to those of a certain age, I found it quite energizing. 

Everything Fuel offers is under 500 calories and  their menu provides calorie count and grams of protein for every starter, entree and salad they serve. The best thing is you get to enjoy really good, fresh food. There is one caveat to the 500 calorie rule and that is if you choose a wrap or bread, your calorie count will climb a bit, but you can chose, white or wheat bread, or wraps or ditch the bread altogether, and go nuts and order a starter and a main.

I devoured the 360 calorie 13 grams of protein in the “I don’t Want No Bread” Roasted Portabello mushrooms stuffed with couscous salad chopped red peppers zucchini red onions and served with  baby arugula. 

My buddy G enjoyed in the Thai Chicken as a wrap, while my girlie Bev lunched on Roasted Turkey with goat cheese with mixed greens and pesto on a panini.

Fuel also has a juice bar and a full selection of coffees including pumpkin latte, ancho chile hot cocoa and a whole slew of sugar free flavor shots to augment your cup of joe.

 So if you’re looking for great food, fantastic prices (everything’s under a tenner) and a delivery service that goes as far north as South street, Fuel is fabulous!

Fuel

1917 Passyunk Avenue

(215) 468-FUEL (3835)

www.fuelphilly.com

Today I tried to purchase tickets from First Great Western for a train journey from London to visit my mates in Wales.

I say tried, because after you’ve been through the aggro that is identity theft, nothing that you do with a credit card, especially if it involves anything internationally, is ever easy again.

Being the savvy traveler I am, I began by searching out the best rates online, and  managed to find two tickets, round trip for £48 . Considering one round trip ticket, purchased the day of travel was £129, you can see what a great savings it was. So I entered my card details  to purchase the tickets.

I was declined.

I tried again and got the same result.

I called my bank, which obviously knew I had more than enough funds to cover the transaction, but they couldn’t find any error and told me to try again.

I did and eventually managed to secure the booking (for about ten quid more than it would have cost me online) and only after two calls to the account specialist, two calls to First Great Western to actually secure and save the tickets and two additional calls to my bank’s Fraud Department.

But the worst part wasn’t all the calls, on both sides of the pond, or being treated like a criminal (more by my bank than First Great Western) but the security questions they asked me to prove my identity.

Far from the usual questions:name of school, mother’s maiden name, your favorite colour; the new questions were multiple choice questions like “What other names have I been known by,” (The correct answer was not a name I’ve ever used, but some bastardization of my name generated by a computer when they can’t fit all of the letters of my name in the number of spaces allotted. )

The other was about age ranges of my sister in law.

 I thought that quite odd, considering my relationship with my brother, is generously described as agnostic.

And what about my friends that are the youngest in large Catholic clans. Can they be expected to remember age ranges of their siblings when number one son is collecting a pension while the baby is  in her mid 30s?  

Surely something can be done?

“No choice,” I was told. “We don’t pick the questions, they’re based on the personal information on you attached to your Social Security details.

While  I can understand that tight security demands questions beyond, your parent’s names or details that can easily be Googled, I neither know, or wish to know details of my brother or his family , and I take umbrage to being queried about them.

If proof of my identity, relies on the information I know about marginal people in my life, I’d rather bite the bullet, eschew my lifetime ban on tattoos, and have a barcode inked on my ass.

But first, I guess I’ll need to prove it is indeed my ass?

Okay, so you don’t have to be on a low carb diet to be avoiding the bread basket when you go out to dinner these days. I’ve been trading in fluffy white rolls and loaves of artisan bread for cold cuts sandwiched between lettuce leaves. Well what if you could enjoy a slice of bread that would not only neatly cover your turkey and sprouts but digest super slowly, filling that cavernous stomach of yours so comfortably, you’ve no inclination to sin with a satanic snack?Well wake up, smell the coffee, and enjoy it with a slice of Mestemacher.  Mestmacher makes a variety of organic breads including, Whole Rye, Three Grain,  and Fitness bread. These organic breads are baked with ingredients naturally grown without the use of chemical fertilizers or pesticides, and are high in fiber, low in fat and are cholesterol and wheat free, perfect if you’ve food allergies are avoiding wheat during an herbal detox.Mestemacher breads have received the Whole Grain Council’s stamp of “100 % Excellent Source of Whole Grain”. Each slice is only 120 calories with only one gram of fat. The best part is they’re so dense, a slice with a schmear of low fat veggie cream cheese, can hold you until lunch.  The loaf is pricey in comparison to your average bread ($2.99 for a 7 slice loaf) this ain’t your average bread. It’s good for sandwiches, makes great toast and if you wrap it well and it keeps well (check out the expiration dates! My Fitness Bread is good until January 2011. How’s that for preserving, without preservatives!). So when you’re ready to try a healthier bread option, make it a slice of Mestemacher. Available at Whole Foods Markets nationwide.

There are days when I hesitate to post for fear of repeating myself. There are other days wher I simply open the paper and with a burst of inspiration, I can knock out several paragraphs in about six seconds.

Today was that kind of day.

Just in case I never covered this topic under the heading “Image”, I really believe the best image anyone can have, is a polished up version of your true self. Of course, should your true self  be a 72 year old pensioner having passionate relationship with your 26 year old grandson, then maybe you should be someone else; like not related.

While I’ll admit to being open minded about many a subject, incest isn’t one of them.

Sure, the BBC can do an enlightening documentary about it and stories about it in Woman’s Own make for interesting reading, but you’re not going to be the toast of the town for having a full on sexual relationship  with your Grandmother.

So here’s the story, Pearl Carter was forced to give up her daughter for adoption when she was 18. When her daughter died, her son Phil, began searching for his long lost Grandmother. When they met it was, (Eww!) Love at first sight. According to New Zealand magazine, New Idea “From the first moment that I saw him, I knew we would never have a grandmother-grandson relationship.”For the first time in years I felt sexually alive.” 

Now the two have found a surrogate mother and are planning to have and child together.

I feel positively billious.

Other important image tip, don’t read stories like this while having lunch.

Do I have to tell you how hard it is to clean sick off suede shoes?